"With you, trust comes naturally; you have honor woven into your fabric and that goes a long way when entering new territory in a coach’s office. Something that I learned early on in my sessions with you was that I truly was in the driver’s seat"
Free to Rise: Release From the Emotionally Immature or Personality Disordered Parent
Struggling With Poor Boundaries? Compulsively People Pleasing? How’s Your Inner Perfectionist Doing?
It’s Time to Defy Gravity, & Release Yourself from the Orbit of Your Emotionally Immature or Personality Disordered Parent
You May Present Yourself Well, And Others May Even See You As Confident And Capable.
But deep down, you're filled with self-doubt. You bite your tongue to avoid revealing how you really feel—because you know how it’ll go: they’ll either ridicule you or make it about themselves. You’re always on alert for signs of distress in others, because you’ve learned that it might turn into an explosion of rage. You’re terrified of conflict, because you’ll just end up being attacked, being wrong.
Even though you intellectually know better, you find yourself pulled back into your parents’ emotional orbit. And even though you want to break free, you notice the patterns:
🌀 You struggle with boundaries (even when you know you need to speak up).
🌀 You people-please (even if it means abandoning your own needs).
🌀 You aim for perfection (even though you know it’s impossible).
You’re stuck in a shame spiral—trapped between the anger you feel toward your parents and the desire to earn their approval. It's exhausting, confusing, and painful.
But maybe the hardest part?
You don’t really know who you are. You don’t even know that it’s okay to ask that question—or that it’s your right to live according to your own needs and values.
You are walking on eggshells.
Having an emotionally immature parent, even one with Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, or with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, isn’t always easy to identify. Particularly if you’re the child of one. If you’re unsure, feel free to take this short quiz.
As you look around, you feel how foreign you are from others who aren’t constantly second-guessing themselves, who are at ease with being less-than-perfect, and comfortable in relationships where they can let themselves be themselves.
This is a love letter to all those not seen, to all those given the impossible task of being the parent to their parents. Of being the unwilling recipient of their parents’ often bizarre expectations. Of not being seen at all, for the wonderfully complex, unique beings you actually are. As an expert on immature parents, I found clients with the same issues coming in to see me. Like me, they were exhausted. Numb. Constantly overwhelmed, trying to control every facet of their existence.
You Are Not Who Your Parents Wanted You To Be. You’re Not Yet What You Can Be.
Professionally, moving beyond perfectionism to risk-taking and exploration, beyond poor boundaries to assertion. Personally, knowing the joy of true intimacy with another, rejoicing in what you share, and energized by your differences.
And finally, to know that you are inherently worthy, to savor another’s worth. It is not enough to know intellectually that you are worthy. You must feel it in your bones. That your greatest gift to the world, the gift that underlies all others, is the next breath you take.
Let’s take it together…start here!.
WHO AM I?
Hello, I'm Inga!
I was born to two Adulting 101 dropouts! I know what it’s like not to be seen. To be invisible. Mom: “Make me feel better about myself”. Dad: “Who’d you say you were again?”. I was becoming a person that didn’t match the ideal child of my educator mother and psychiatrist (yup!) father…and so instead, I became invisible. I ended up both taking responsibility for the reactions of everyone around me, and believing I would inevitably fail.
I arrived at the age of adulthood without the first clue of how to actually, well, “adult.” But along the way, I met my people. And they saw me, as I emerged, visible.
And over the last 25 plus years, I’ve had the profound privilege of fighting alongside my clients. Pulling the damaging lessons of their immature parents out by the root. Going to the intellect, then past the intellect, to the body. The body that shrinks, at the moment you know you’d be better served by standing tall. That surrenders when you need to assert, or shuts others out when you most need to lean into their comfort. I speak to you as one of you, and I see in you the seeds of whom you can become.
When I created my own group for Adult Children of Those with Personality Disorders in 2018, I brought what I understood was needed, according to my clients, and brought in my own somatic exercises…many generations of groups since, I now bring client-approved and -tested course to you!
WHO AM I?
Hello, I'm Inga!
I was born to two Adulting 101 dropouts! I know what it’s like not to be seen. To be invisible. Mom: “Make me feel better about myself”. Dad: “Who’d you say you were again?”. I was becoming a person that didn’t match the ideal child of my educator mother and psychiatrist (yup!) father…and so instead, I became invisible. I ended up both taking responsibility for the reactions of everyone around me, and believing I would inevitably fail.
I arrived at the age of adulthood without the first clue of how to actually, well, “adult.” But along the way, I met my people. And they saw me, as I emerged, visible.
And over the last 25 plus years, I’ve had the profound privilege of fighting alongside my clients. Pulling the damaging lessons of their immature parents out by the root. Going to the intellect, then past the intellect, to the body. The body that shrinks, at the moment you know you’d be better served by standing tall. That surrenders when you need to assert, or shuts others out when you most need to lean into their comfort. I speak to you as one of you, and I see in you the seeds of whom you can become.
When I created my own group for Adult Children of Those with Personality Disorders in 2018, I brought what I understood was needed, according to my clients, and brought in my own somatic exercises…many generations of groups since, I now bring client-approved and -tested course to you!
WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT
Rise, & Release Yourself from the Orbit of Your Emotionally Immature or Personality Disordered Parent
My coaching program is your path to finally breaking free from the emotional orbit of an emotionally immature or personality-disordered parent—and reclaiming your voice, boundaries, and sense of self.
The complete program includes:
An extensive online course that you can access anytime, anywhere...and for years to come, so that you may continue to deepen your understanding...addressing six key areas where most Adult Children get stuck
Exclusive access to the Facebook community, where people just like you are there to encourage you, and share their wisdom...you are NOT alone
Weekly online meetings where we can explore, in real time, each area of release and recovery...do guided meditations and other exercises to support this recovery...and enjoy lively discussions
Additional support for those graduating from the program...you'll never be left hanging!
Real Stories. Real Change.
Each person you’ll hear from once felt stuck, shut down, or overwhelmed. These are their stories of reconnection, regulation, and renewal.
BLOGS
Explore the Deeper Dive
Unlock insightful articles and strategies for personal growth, healing, and living your fullest life.
The Sauna: Managing Conflict Well
Conflict. It’s on the political agenda this year, from the more rabid factions on both sides of the political divide to the infighting in the Democrat and Republican parties. As a coach, I’m no stranger to conflict, and in my over 25 years as a clinician, my clients and I have explored how it can go wrong, and how, when handled correctly, it can lead to greater understanding and trust. Yes, conflict can be good!
We’re hopefully familiar with the joys of a healthy debate, or a respectful negotiation. For many, even most of us, we’ve used basic skills to get a promotion, work out the household tasks, and tickle our intellect’s funny bone. It’s when the discussion becomes heated that intimacy goes south. I’m not talking only of couples struggling to keep their relationship together, but of the conflict that can rip siblings apart, that can keep friends from the honest communication that can ultimately build confidence, and that can destroy the harmony of a community.
To start, let’s go back to our families, the ones we were raised in.
How did your family address conflict, if it did? After all, some of us come from families where any anger, even appropriate, was taboo, leaving us struggling to find the right words that allow us to disagree heatedly while reaffirming the deeper bonds of love and respect. Were your parents yellers, did they draw you in and complain to you about each other? Was there even violence? Or was there an undercurrent of hurt, as one or both parents perceived themselves victims of the other?
In a healthy family, each member seeks to empower both the self and other, wanting to tell, and to hear, the authentic concerns that threaten the bond of care and concern. Even when the voices get a little loud, there is the sense of people fighting for each other as well as for themselves. My story is that I did not witness healthy heated conflict at home, instead, I learned it in observing a friend of mine, with his sister.
An Early Lesson in How One Family Handled Conflict Well
It was a snowy evening when we flew in a small aircraft up to northern New York from Boston. His sister was to meet us at a specific airport, driving miles in the thick snow to reach us. However, as we neared, flight control informed us that it wasn’t safe to land, and we were redirected to another, smaller airport quite a distance away. This occurred long before cell phones, so my friend had no way to reach his sister. We landed safely, phew! and found another way to get to the family home. About a half hour after we arrived, the sister flew in the door, tossed the keys at Steph, and passed him, boiling with rage and, I suspect, the remnants of fear, both for herself after driving in the snow, and for the welfare of her brother. As she passed, however, he grabbed her by the forearms and held them close to his chest: “I am so sorry! You must have been terrified. There was no way to reach you. Please forgive me.” You could see her struggling, then softening, and relenting, fell against his chest: “I’m still mad at you.” Then she hugged him, they both cried a little, and within another five minutes or so, both were fine. Truly fine, and able to enjoy the weekend.
I’m excited to be exploring this topic with you, and invite you as part of this process to think, what do I do when I get angry? What is my family story? How, if at all, have I changed the pattern I grew up in? In all likelihood, you didn’t learn how to fight fair, either…isn’t it time for a change?
It’s Time to Step Out of the Shadows—and Into the Life That’s Truly Yours
You are not broken. You were shaped by people who couldn’t meet your emotional needs—and it’s time to release their grip on your life. This course is your invitation to finally be seen, to reclaim your boundaries, and to live from a place of self-worth—not shame.
Here’s a free gift to get started:
My grounding exercise, to help you get centered in your busy day. I’ll occasionally also send special offers and insights (I promise, I won’t deluge your in-box!)