Articles

Ready for the Holidays?

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Ready for the Holidays?

Dear Reader, I don’t need to tell you life can be hard. But during the holiday season, hardship for many of you is on steroids. For twenty years, I’ve gladly held my clients’ hands as they navigated the end of the year. Even now I ask my clients, are you ready for the holidays.  Dear Reader, are you? If you’re reading this, the answer is probably “no.” No, I’m not really ready to face my dysfunctional family, I’m not ready for spending the holidays alone, I’m dreading the shopping, the awful muzak, the cheer that all too often feels...

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The Sauna, or, How To Befriend Heated Conflict

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The Sauna, or, How To Befriend Heated Conflict

A woman walks into a sauna. Two men are assailing Hillary Clinton and her “pedophile” husband; they question rhetorically, “who would vote for that woman?!” She answers, “I would.” The fight is on. It’s not a debate. Hillary herself is attacked, and the woman responds with a few choice comments on Trump. In the corner, one man sits, saying nothing. Another man grows silent, then circles from behind for a more general attack. There are others in the room, clearly uncomfortable, and he addresses the women present as “ladies” (fingering air quotes), which the woman also...

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Good Will

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Good Will

I’m writing this on the Solstice, the shortest day of the year, but what’s really taking up emotional room for my clients, my friends, and me…is Christmas. Whether or not you celebrate this particular holiday, whether or not you’re Christian, unless you’ve been living under a rock you, by now, are inundated by the cheer, albeit sometimes false, of this Currier and Ives season. It is inescapable. The expectation, like a strange shared delusion, that families are wonderful, that bounty has been restored, that peace has already been earned. From a client of mine who cannot go home to...

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Trauma 101: Stepping Gently Into Your Body With Yoga

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Trauma 101: Stepping Gently Into Your Body With Yoga

For most of the uninitiated, yoga still belongs to the land of human pretzels and tie dyed, aging hippies. We’ve even come up with an Americanized version of this ancient and varied school of body movement, which involves some grueling combination of power and heat. Yet yoga is also one of the most commonly used and effective forms of support for those of my clients recovering from trauma. Yoga, from the Sanskrit meaning “to join, unite, or attach,” (and hopefully you know the importance of attachment to trauma; if not, click here), invites us to enter our bodies gradually, allowing...

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Trauma 101: What You Need to Know On Your Journey

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Trauma 101: What You Need to Know On Your Journey

Trauma 101.  I’ve been promising myself and others I’d be writing this series for a very long time, not only as an offering to those who are trying to understand their own seemingly inescapable distress, but to help those who have not experienced significant trauma, but care for those who do. This month, I’ll be breaking it down into the trauma body, the basics of self-care, and the blog about what not to do around a survivor of trauma…I’ll be calling it, “let them eat cake” as an homage to another clueless nonpatron of the poor. In preparation, I was searching my computer, and...

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Hypervigilance and the Present Moment

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Hypervigilance and the Present Moment

BY CONTRIBUTOR NANCY WEAVER (Note: Nancy was the one who got me thinking about the religion series to begin with, here is the article that got it going) A friend was lamenting that other people don’t pay enough attention causing her to always have to take care of details.  This woman has repeatedly told me that she has been hyper-vigilant since childhood.  After our talk, my mind moved to the difference between hyper-vigilance and attentiveness. In Buddhism there is a concept called the near and far enemy.  Each of the virtues is considered to have both enemies, ie, that which keeps us...

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